TangyWangy

2012-02-10T22:50:00.000+08:00

okaye. so i was invited to be the Guest of Honour for my Primary School event. HAHAHA.
EPIC. some talent programme.
Oh goodness gracious.
How to tweak my speech so that it engages both adults and primary school kids ????
That's a challenge... hmmm.

Agreed cause it will look good on my resume too! HAHA.

Speaking of which, interview this tuesday. Scared shiatttt.

COMM SKILLS SUMMATIVE TEST TMR.
If i ace summative test and interview, im aiming for a 4.0 GPA.

Otherwise, B+ for comm skills will suffice.
The rest, please.... get A. Otherwise ill be disappointed.

SOOOOO i went to H&M and spent $100 there.
And after which, my student's mom called me and told me that Ryan will be stopping class til OCT cause of PSLE.

Right, so im only left with 4 students. and i need to pay off my driving lessonsssss.
Oh wells. another two more months of driving lessons and i wont have to spend!

Shall continue studying comm skills.

OUTTT!!!

2012-02-07T19:29:00.001+08:00

Okaye so i booked the driving practical test on 26th April. 345pm.

Super happy i got that slot:)

Now gonna work and make sure i pass first time:)

2012-01-30T00:56:00.000+08:00

Okaye so 3 more weeks, i need to press on.

Left with 4 presentations, 2 reports to submit,
3 tests left.

I really cant bring myself to study 10 lectures for a 15% end semester test.
Really really cant.
Okaye so anyway eligibility of the CCA full scholarship is positive!
Hopefully i can get it, if i dont, its okaye i dont really care either. haha.

This holiday, i am not gonna bother working.
Last holiday to enjoy, ill enjoy.
Hopefully can go overseas. My parents know that i deserve it. Never seen me so stress before.

Anyway 7 guitar/drum lessons to teach this week.
Need to juggle between band rehearsal and services.
Driving.
Presentations and studies.
Floorball.

ALOTTTTTTT to manage.

But nevertheless, 3 more freaking weeks. I CANNOT WAIT.

GET THIS SEM OVER AND DONE WITH.

Vote for me Please?

2012-01-26T23:56:00.000+08:00

http://www.dreamcatchersvision.com/node/266#

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE vote for me?
National competition!
Bottom right hand corner of the video, just click the number of stars pleaseeee!

THANKS THANKS!

2012-01-18T21:29:00.001+08:00

Been too freaking busy to blog.

Got back all the mid sem results.

CRM: 44/50
A&P: 47.5/50
Franchising Biz: 46/50
managing SME: 40.5/50
Comm skills: B+

haha. was a tad bit disappointed for SME, was aiming for 43... but it's okaye. nothing much to complain about. Aiming all As except for Comm skills which is a B+....
My written was never good :/
Role play wasnt that fantastic either.

Oh wells, cannot wait for 20th feb, i deserve a break.
First time i so stress pimples come out and even miss germaine asked me to relax and not be so stress.
Cant help it, never had to be in charge of so many projects before.

On the brighter note, the happy three friends hung out with the other classmates more often this week.
Pretty funny ppl:)

SEM 2.2 please end.

2012-01-12T00:20:00.001+08:00

PREACH IT MAH BRUDDER

Do you know what is it like to worry?

2012-01-10T01:13:00.000+08:00

"So it goes like this, she has a heart that doesn't beat the normal rate.
It beats slower than normal.
When she has a flu the phlegm can't get out of her system because she doesn't cough hard enough.
The body keeps producing phlegm, clogging up her lungs and oesophagus.
After days of coughing, her heart and lungs are tired, she hyperventilates every night.
Her heart has stopped beating before.
Her life has flashed pass her before.
And now for the past few days she has been sleeping at 4am cause she coughs every 10min-15min.
Her dad holds her upside down to force the phlegm out.
Doctor gave medicine to ensure the phlegm is thinner, doesn't seem to work.
Every night is a torture.
She is missing school and yet she is bored at home.

You know what is it like to worry?
That when you wake up in the morning, you don't know if she is sleeping or if anything tragic happened.
You wake up not knowing if you should text because it will wake her up.
But if you text, she doesn't reply, you think something is wrong.
You wait several hours, distracting yourself, praying everything will be fine, and when u her reply, you are relieved.
The afternoon is fine and all, just worrying if anything happens, she will be alone and no one will attend to her. Thats why you consistently text and call to make sure she's alive and breathing.
When night falls, you know the cough will get worse. And you cease the opportunity to skype with her to see her and hear her voice.
But at around 10pm she starts coughing, when she's quiet and still you can see her breathing faster than usual, trying to get oxygen into her lungs.
You can see her trying to garner the last ounce of energy she has left in her to get the phlegm out, but it is too stubborn. It stays in the body.
But yet she know she HAS to get it out otherwise there will be phlegm stuck and she cant breathe.
Certain times she will put the hand in front of the camera so that you wont be able to see what's going on.
Certain times skype will somehow disconnect and no reply for the next few minutes which feels like eternity.

You will think what the hell is going on and your mind just starts wandering.
Then when you get a whats app saying she's fine you are relieved she's still alive but know she's not fine.
You wish you can be there for her but you can't.
At around 1am, she goes to bed trying to catch on rest so that she has the energy to cough the phlegm out, but she cant.
She coughs every 10-15min, breaking out into periodic hyperventilations.
Sometimes you dont get a reply from whatsapp and you panic.
She finally manages to get some rest after being just too worn out to even cough at 4am, and have to skip school the next day, missing out on her school work. wakes up 2pm and the cycle repeats for her.
And then i will switch my phone to vibration mode in case she calls or needs my help to call her and talk things through to keep her calm.
It's as though your body is half awake, half resting.
And when i wake up, i check when was the latest time she was online on what's app to see what time she could have possibly slept.
And my cycle continues.

We went for dinner just now, cabbed to meet me cause didnt feel well.
walked around and she seems fine, but when it hit around 730pm the cough came.

I could tell she had no energy as she just leaned against me, worned out even after sleeping for 10 hours.
Headed home by cab cause she didnt have energy to take the mrt.
She slept in the cab and when she went home lay on the bed.
Broke out into cough ever 10-15min.
Pat her to rest, rubbed vaperdrops on chest and back to try to help things out.
But still break into periodic hyperventilations.

I mean all i could do was hold her hand and tell her that everything will be fine.
Spam her kisses on her foreheads and cheeks telling her it's okaye, "calm and steady"
Knowing that every single time she coughs, it drains her energy.
So compliments like "that's my girl" and "good job sweetheart, well done" was what kept her going.
She said i gave her strength. Different from what her Dad gave her.
I was happy i was there.
I felt like i was ready to take on the challenge even if i saw her hyperventilating much worse.
It was like i had to naturally man-up, i could not get nervous cause she would be too.

People ask why doesn't she go to the hospital to get it checked?
She's scared of needles and miss out on school work.
And i told her that she cannot be selfish, cause the people around her are worrying.
They rather her at a safe place to rest, but just cause she's scared of the pain, she doesnt?
So she finally agreed that she would go for a check up.

She told me that she's scared to sleep cause she's scared she wouldnt wake up.
That's why she tells me she loves me everyday.
Did it affect my confidence and trust level? Definitely.
I finally garnered the trust that she will not just leave me.
That every morning i'll be anticipating a text that she has finally woken up.
And now she tells me she's scared she doesn't wake up.
I obviously didnt accept that as an answer.

Sometimes when im by myself and i think about the thought of just losing her, i cry.
It's just plain torture.
But this is just one of the many tests we are going to face together.
I'll be there for you even in the wee hours of the day, just call.

i will ALWAYS be here.

Remember, health is number one.
A priority compared to sports and education.
You need to put aside your fear of injections for the people around you who have been worrying day and night. Who have been in this cycle with you.
You need to put this coughing things to an end, its distracting u from school work and sports.
And the only way to do that is to go for a medical check up and let them do WHATEVER necessary to you.

And up til now, since 2 hours ago, i'm still waiting for a reply, but i guess i have to get use to the sudden non-replies and trust that God protects you. Trust that you won't just leave me. Trust that you will be strong enough to fight through the night and reply my text the next day.

If all these happened to you, what would you do? "

So that's worry.

THANK YOU.

2012-01-08T17:15:00.000+08:00

I posted my music video at 11pm last night on facebook.

So far there are 100 likes on facebook.
Around 66 shares on facebook.
1120 views on youtube.
32 likes, 2 dislikes.

I am speechless.
Really.
People whom i know, people whom i don't know, friends of friends have been complimenting the video.
MUST give credit to the producer as his equipment is awesome!
It's his first time doing it too!
So a FIRST TIMER video:)

We got comments from a person working in tv station saying it's really the industry standard, really good musicians complimenting and what not.

I want to thank everyone's compliments, feedback, shares and likes really means a lot to me.
The video will be on the producer's youtube account cause i feel that it should be since he was the one who edited it.
But thank you, really, a lot. :)

2012-01-07T23:28:00.000+08:00

THE VIDEO IS FINALLY OUT.
REALLY HOPE YOU ENJOY IT!!!!!

Special thanks to :

Alexandria, Henrietta, Krystal, Iffa, Sheila, Hui Shan, Vanessa, Ee Wee, Claudia, Annabel, Samantha, Judaxil, Mei Ling, Robert, Maria, Wileen, Rachel, Sally, Jia xuan, Natvianne, Joyce, fitriyandi

2012-01-04T11:16:00.000+08:00

Okaye PROJECT OVERLOAD.
5 projects all due end of the month.
then again 47 days left of 2.2 so i just need to tahan, and there isnt any IVP competition so not too bad!

Highest in class for A&P project and B+ only?
Really interested to know if they grade us on the same level as the dip. in marketing students cause if so, i think it is really unfair.

Oh wells, 78/100 for a 10% project, means we are 0.2 marks short, we will just concentrate on the remaining 20% then.

But damn it, i really rather take exams, it's easier to ace.
Aiming for 3.7GPA this sem but i know it's quite impossible cause of the lack of exams;(

Oh wellssssssss. Starting to care less about my studies cause i dont see the point in doing so freaking well when i can use Floorball to get into Local Uni or when i can just go overseas.
OR when i can just dont go uni and start working and hopefully franchise a business one day:)

2012-01-01T03:02:00.000+08:00

HAPPPY NEW YEAR 2012!!!!
:)))))

Drank like 3 Barcardis!
One long island tea and one blue vodka!
L0o0o0o0ve lime barcardi and blue vodka!

2011 ended well, 2012 started well.

Really hope this year will be a much much better year with no depressions.

Cheers to that!

New years resolution:
driving license!
Pull GPA up to 3.7!
Be and stay happy!
Director's Honour's List!
Make my upcoming original viral!
Save $3000.

DONE!

CHEERS TO THAT!!!
CHEERS TO 2012!!!

2011-12-30T00:39:00.001+08:00

I miss you very much.

2011-12-28T23:44:00.000+08:00

Recording has been going great.
So here's the preview:
Time to Heal (Original)
Professionally recorded with synthesizer, acoustic and electric guitar, drums
With expensive cameras, stands, motion sensor and etc.
Camera mounted on a car to take part of the video.
Got a $20,000 suzuki bike that is part of the video.
Me in the motorcycle gear. (HAHAHA)
Marshall Major headphones <3
Amphi theatre in school, graffiti wall at design, stairs near library, fountain near mensa, arab street, home studio, producer's studio, voideck.
Friends and family involved.

Really really REALLY wish could re-do the vocals . but everytime i want to do it, i fall sick.
producer said that shouldnt re-record cause troublesome. so oh wells.

So rmb, when u see it, share it, like it, share it, share it, share it.
Viral it.

Upcoming video.

2011-12-21T23:42:00.000+08:00

K i received my Marshall Major today in white, damn happy. <3

Time to Heal Music Video is in the making.
Hopefully it will go viral, very impressed with the video effects.
CANNOT WAIT. hopefully done by 10th Jan!

Gonna start on projects and focus on recording.

Gonna post it on the blog, facebook, twitter tumblr, u gotta reblog, share it like it subscribe comment and SHARE IT.

Viral it.

2011-12-21T02:12:00.002+08:00

FREAKING COME TO ME ON MONDAY BABAYE.
Super excited for the limited edition white marshall major headphones!
1100 in the world!
hehehe <3

Most unexpected day. EVER.

2011-12-19T23:07:00.000+08:00

This whole post is dedicated to my FTT.
My goodness was it a test of my believe, faith and determination.
Here's the story:

I never really had time to study for my FTT. Did read through here and there, only really started after mid-sems was over. However i still partied during the weekend. haha. So i only started the day before the actual test. I was never that frustrated with myself while doing the questions on the software. Got quite a bit that was wrong.
I mean it's always me to go into a test confident and ready.
So whatever, skip the part of doing the questions til 4am.
Woke up at 11am to still do questions.

Sister sent me to Ubi there, on the way i realised that i forgot to bring my IC.
Hoped that they let me take the test with Ezlink card as identification.
I was 10 min early, and when it was time to go in to take the test, they said that ezlink card was not allowed.
I cocked up some story saying that i left my wallet in the SBS bus and my IC was in it.
I was directed to the chief executive officer who said that ezlink card is not allowed, the most passport and i must show it to him by 2.20pm latest. (test started at 2pm)

I called my sis to go home take passport and come back. That was around 2.10pm.
it was raining and ubi is always jammed up.
Along the way two ppl came late and were directed to chief officer too, they were denied to take the test.
I literally was about to break down cause i didnt wanna wait another 3 months just to take FTT.
And i definitely didnt wanna wait another 3 months over a stupid IC without even attempting the test.
Chief executive officer asked me to appeal for an earlier test date and just give up as there wasnt enough time. I decided to hang in there la since the sister was on the way.

When my sister arrived, it was 2.38pm. Test will end at 2.50pm.
I had two options, take the test with the remaining time but cant opt for earlier test date if i fail
or
Just give up and opt for earlier test date.
By the time i went up and got to my computer, there was 6 min plus left. i had 50 questions to take.
My BTT i finished in 9min and got 49/50.
I was nervous as shit cause the longer i took the decide the lesser time i had.

I decided to go ahead and just take the test. freaking timer staring at me counting down to 0 seconds.
i had around 6min plus left to attempt 50 questions.
No one has any freaking idea how much my hand was trembling .
I was reading the questions out aloud and literally scanning through the questions.
Some questions had video illustrations and it took so long to end and it was eating into my time.
Instructor was behind me seeing all my answers.
With 12 seconds remaining i had like 4 questions.
The lady told me to relax.
And when time was up i didnt do two questions.
Passing is 45/50.
Results shown wihtout doing two questions as i had no time, 46/50.
So right, super super FREAKING nervous and GAN CHIONG mind and no time to do last two questions, i got 46 outta 50.
SUPER HAPPY.
Although i know i could have gotten at least 49/50, but wth?!
7 min left, risk i took, instructor behind me, Gan chiong brain and what not,
i passed my FTT.

oh my freaking Gawd, i still cant believe it cause it was truly impossible.
by right i wasnt suppose to take the test after 2.20pm.
i took it at 2.43pm.

I swear this is a real testimony to impossible is nothing.

And just 15min ago i got a superrrrr random text from someone i never expected to apologise.
Least got conscience. never expected it from u though.
But that's good la. hope u will be fine and get through what i got through.

Today is amazing. Really really amazing.

2011-12-17T23:57:00.000+08:00

Mid sem tests finally over!
Aiming all As. Have to!

final theory test on monday!
No time to study compared to BTT so im a bit scared.
Can't wait to pass that, continue with a few more lessons and try to aim and pass the practical test.

So it's decided that TP will not be taking part in IVP due to a few circumstances.
Glad the team saw where i was coming from.
Glad they understood.
Took us 2 months to get second for POLITE.
We now have more than 6 months.
u can choose to slack or u can choose to make full use of it and get first.

Been very happy and tired lately.
When one door slams mother freaking shut on you, another door opens so bloody wide for u.
It pays to be nice.
Didn't regret anything:)

2011-12-10T01:27:00.002+08:00

Mid Sem Tests next week!
Went out the whole day :)

Bought my Man-U away jersey!
So i got both the red and blue one now hehe:)

Today is such a fantastic day.

<3

2011-12-04T13:49:00.001+08:00

things to do today:

A&P tutorial
Paste CRM open book stuff
Franchising business notes.

2011-12-04T13:46:00.000+08:00

Project submission on monday and friday.
Submitted A&P last friday.
Really thank God i've got the besties to help out in the project, otherwise ill be doing it alone.

Im damn tired of studying and schooling. i wanna go out and work or start a franchise/biz.

Sighhh.

Two months.

2011-11-26T00:33:00.001+08:00

Scared the shit outta me when u were in hospital.
Please take care.

Anyway, went to phoen's band concert. everyone was camwhoring.
Then headed to pasiris pasamalam to change my phone front and back protector, i put glow in the dark sides. hahaa. and got a ferrari sticker. all for $20! but the privacy screen protector not as good as alex's!

Walked pass the wedding!
Pink and white.... why pink and white..

Saw auntie and sent my regards.
Saw you and i walked pass, didnt wanna ruin the ocassion or what not.
Looks like u got urself a new guitarist (y)

Cant wait for tmr!
Shopping with the girls:)

And thank God FTT not on mid sem week!
Hopefully pass driving by feb? *Cross fingers*

2011-11-23T20:39:00.000+08:00

What a tragic day yesterday.
A guy leaned on his seat during lecture and the seat broke.
My two besties had their own problems which i will not mention here.
And two other floorball members had incidents during training yesterday.
Sheila and shaheera got shot/whacked in the eye by me yesterday too.

i skipped lecture and tutorial today.
Feeling damnnnn bad.
i thought tutorial was only 30 min today!
But it was 2 hours.
Sorry alex and hen :(
I feel really bad.

Feel like giving up on maintaining my GPA cause the projects are endless and tedious and i damn siannnn.
At the end of the day, go local uni i can use floorball.
If not, i can go overseas and no need so high GPA.
so for what right....
Sighhhh.

Walked pass the multi purpose court today. saw that the wedding lights are up, the chairs and tables are there. lol, lets hope it doesnt rain on that day!
Pretty sure it will be looking damn nice.

Oh wells:)
HAPPY 56th BIRTHDAY MAH MOTHERRRR <3

2011-11-20T21:46:00.001+08:00

Summative test on tuesday. oh gawd, i want to ace is so bad but im bad in writing.
I can't write. Especially formal letters.

On a side note, parents outta town from 28th Nov til 4th Dec.
WHO WANNA PARTY IN THE HOUSEEEEEE!!!!!

haha:)
anyone who wanna sleep over is more than welcome to:) hehe.
Only the domestic helper, eldest sister and me!

Mommy's 56th birthday this wednesday. oh mah gawd, didnt realise she's not that young anymore!
But she still looks young:)

Dont really like the end of the year.
Mother's birthday and her xmas present.
Eldest sis's birthday and her xmas present
Second sis's birthday and her xmas present. This year it's her 21st.
Dad's xmas present.
Maid's xmas present.
My besties xmas presents!
Need to start paying for driving lessons.
Really need to save!!! :(

I stay up and i'll go the extra mile for you.
I got it way worse, count ur blessings my dear, you will do fine.
Gotta stay strong.
And although ive never been close to you and im actually scared of you, ill still be here.
Only because i know how it like to get your heart broken and shattered.

First driving lesson!

2011-11-19T00:23:00.000+08:00

Such an interesting day yesterday and today.
First driving lesson. it was horribly funnyily stressful.
From the wise instructor himself "Marissa i know u can drive, but u are driving without rules"
HAHA.
RATIO OF "Slow down" : "Speed up" is 10:1.
Seriously man. FTT is coming but i got no time to study that. damn it :(

THE REPORTS ARE FINALLY DONE.
Love doing entrepreneurial reports. Dont like marketing. find it tedious and long.

Celebrated Alexandria's birthday at Porn's! heheehe:)
Finally 18. Better stay a virgin:)

Floorball competition the whole of tmr!
Cant waitzxxzxz!
against phillip? jill quek? enrico? johnson? lol. interesting scoreline it will be!

2011-11-17T00:00:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALEXANDRIA DE COSTA <3 <3 <3

Thank you for ALWAYS ALWAYS being there for me! hearing out the problems, advising me and telling me to be strong!
Really glad we are classmates again!
So happy you are my classmate and bestfriend in year 1.1, 1.2, 2.2,3.1 and 3.2!
hehehe. Hope u stay a virgin when u turn 18!
I WILL ALWAYS ALWAYS BE THERE TO ANNOY YOU:)
TOO BAD.

I LOVE YOU:)

HAPPY 18th AGAIN! ENJOY UR DAY!

2011-11-16T11:06:00.000+08:00

A short one week break before training starts. That's good.
Finally my body can rest, finally i can catch up on work.

Got a feeling my GPA will drop this sem, i dont know why, considering the fact i got no exams at all, i guess it's kinda hard to maintain 3.7GPA.
I feel more for entrepreneurship than marketing.
Comm skills can go and die, its so much harder than comm skills 1.
Hate letter writing, my written sucks.
Teach also so anal and strict, last warning.

Driving lesson starts tomorrow! Super excited.
90 min of drivingggg.
FTT in december, please please dont let it fall on the same timing as Mid sem paper, otherwise ill have to reschedule;(
But i also got no time to study for FTT. damn it la...

2011-11-13T00:59:00.003+08:00

The song is finally finished. omg.
Loads of compliments so far.
Will publish it publically when the music video for it is done:)

Do support it yeah ppl!

2011-11-12T03:08:00.002+08:00

Recording of the vocals later.
Music track is done.
Got to think of what my music video should consist of.
Omgggg. how exciting.

2011-11-09T22:29:00.002+08:00

IVP FIXTURES.

Group A:
ITE, NYP, SP, RP, SMU

Group B:
TP, SIM, NTU, NUS, NP

How freaking easy group A is? It is like POLITE all over again????
Seriously, a test for TP wolves.

A major test.

WE ARE SECOND. HISTORY MAKING DAY.

2011-11-09T00:46:00.000+08:00

What an excellent day.
Seriously.

Couldn't have asked for a better team.

We played like SHIT today.
Can't believe i teared when giving motivational talk.
Well that's cause i believe in the girls so much more than what they were performing.

Well, second.
We won ite by goal difference.
Broke TP floorball history
For the first time ever, TP won RP.

For me, first time ever scoring two goals in a match.
Im damn proud.
November has been awesome. Started wrong, but it has been getting better.

Today, 9th November gonna get even better.

2011-11-05T00:04:00.002+08:00

We drew with NYP.
Could we have won? Definitely.
Am proud with how i played except the part where i lost my cool.
That goal was my fault.
The ankle is being a huge bitch now. Cant walk properly.

Assisted and scored.
Managed to get my head back in the game when you made your grand entrance in to the sports hall.

Only way to be history makers and get 2nd, NYP wins ITE on tuesday and we win RP.
Otherwise we will still remain third.
KL is ours, medal is ours and IVP is ours.

Nevertheless, am proud of a team who makes it from last to at least third with no skillful individuals.
Great job TP Wolves <3

Your answers and replies (y) Mind boggling as always.

2011-11-02T00:34:00.003+08:00

My pride and joy <3

2011-11-01T23:32:00.000+08:00

Fuck.
First period: 3-0
Second period: 3-1
Third period: 3-2

We scored an own goal.
We were the better team.
We obviously were.

Never felt so disappointed after a match.
Really.

Very pleased with how i played.
Emotionally, mentally and physically stable.
Have been scoring goals.

Come on my dear girls, need to keep your head in the game.
Draw NYP and win RP and we are second.
I dont wanna settle for third anymore.
We deserve at least a second.

sigh.

2011-10-31T21:29:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow the deciding match.
Medal or not.
Tomorrow the deciding match.
KL or not.
Tomorrow the deciding match.
MBS or not.
Tomorrow the deciding match.
IVP or not.
Tomorrow the deciding match.
To prove a point that i always believed in.
A team with focus will always be better than a team with individualists.

Starting at 9am tmr, still sick, cold cold court, ball travels differently and court also different.
Despite the challenging odds, im ready.
Hope the rest are.

2011-10-28T23:38:00.000+08:00

seriously, couldn't have been any more timely.
ITE match on tuesday, nose is running/blocked. Eyes are always itchy and throat inflammed.
The flood gates just had to come and the game is at the icy cold RP.

And against the odds, i'll still strive to win ITE.
Secure a medal.
Very surprisingly, they are pretty sof tthis year.
And they tied NP 1-1 when we won NP 3-0.
But can never compare like that.

And those ppl who keep asking where we got our jackets from, hahaha ain't telling.
GO FIND YOUR OWN VENDOR:)

2011-10-26T23:56:00.000+08:00

Today, one year. one month.

We were all wrong about you. (y)

2011-10-26T00:39:00.000+08:00

Won SP 3-2.
We could have done better.
I could have done better and watched my temper.
The ref seriously LAST MOTHERFREAKING WARNING k.
never seen anyone so bias before.

Nvm, happy that i scored winning goal with 5 min on the clock.
But screw myself for getting 2 min at the last min.
Near heart attack.
Hate playing at RP, too cold.

Anyway, Comm skills teacher... Gael.... wah.... trying to suck up and get into her good books lei.
But her face damn last warning.
haha. Win one more match, we go KL.
One more match, we secure 3rd.
Win two more matches, we break record and get 2nd.
Win RP, we set history.

Lets go TP wolves.
<3

2011-10-22T00:46:00.001+08:00

2011-10-21T11:59:00.003+08:00

Thailand floods: 320 dead, nearly 9 million affected.

I close to be in the 320 or 9 million.

2011-10-20T22:40:00.000+08:00

Spent $330 in Bangkok.
Today bought an EA watch that was $395. But got it at a cheaper price cause of hen. haha:)
So that makes it over $500 in one week. (y)

2011-10-18T23:25:00.000+08:00

3-0 Win against a team with one national player and two club players?
Yup, that's my team:)

2011-10-18T13:57:00.000+08:00

Match Day.

Please, for once in my life so far, let tp win a floorball match not based on skills and individuality, but a team.
That a team doesn't need a few talented skilled players to make it work, but one that supports one and be there for one another despite their skill level and individual differences.

I'm very proud of this year's floorball team.
And i recognise this team's full potential despite the disadvantages we have compared to the previous year's.
But yet, im still confident and even more proud of the team than how i was last year.

As long as we play our game, win at our potential, and lose at ours, i'm contented.

2011-10-09T22:08:00.001+08:00

4 outta the 178 photos taken.
Jet Ski-ed, Kayak-ed, Viper-ed, Target Shooting.
Cheers to that burn.

2011-10-05T23:41:00.000+08:00

Even though i know i shouldn't.

2011-10-04T22:48:00.001+08:00

Oh no! It got worse!
Looks kinda bad ass. and zombie like. hahaha.
But i still cant bend it.
I cant hold a fork and shred my chicken with it.
It has to heal by next week. HAS TO.

Sleepover at Hen's was great.
First time in her life! Glad we were the first.
Watched horror films and im proud of myself that i wasnt that scared anymore.
Paranomal activity 1 owns paranomal activity 2.

iPhone 4S launches today. Should i get it... or wait for iphone 5.... HMMMMM.

PERIOD CAME. CANT BE MORE TIMELY THEN THIS. (y) (y) (y) (yyyyy)

2011-10-04T17:11:00.002+08:00

Wow, this close.
Gotta admit, disappointed in you.

2011-10-03T15:17:00.000+08:00

Basic Theory Test. Finished it in 9 min.
Didnt bother to check.
49/50 :)
FTT is like in December wth.
So i most prob only can get license in february :(

So i headed down to see the girls train.
Was restless, decided to be the keeper.
They were practicing penalty shots.
I cleverly dived for the ball.
Laxmi did a wrist shot on my index and now it's swollen :(

The pictures are all random! haha the newspaper cutting damn last warning. And yes it is my handwriting.
That's my new stick! $153 after discount:)
That's my swollen finger:(

2011-10-02T21:31:00.001+08:00

Stay strong marissa.

2011-10-01T23:47:00.000+08:00

I was shocked.
Shocked at how accurate he was.
I knew it was for me.
But i didn't want to admit that it was me.
I didn't want to cry, not there.
I didn't want to let it out, not there.

Kept telling myself that may be it wasn't me.

But it was unbelievably accurate.
Maybe it was me.

Well i held it in, the whole day.
And when i reached the shower, it streamed like how the water came out from the shower head.

Maybe it was secretly me.
Maybe im telling myself lies.
Maybe i'm not what i think i am.
Maybe i still am.
“When someone you love abandons you, it doesn’t hurt just because they’ve changed, or lied, or went back on their promises… but because you know what they really are and what a beautiful person they can be. And when they take that away from you and won’t allow you to see that beautiful person again, nothing hurts more than having someone just decide to take your entire world away without consulting you first.”

2011-10-01T12:46:00.000+08:00

I'm my own problem, my brain and heart is.
I'm my own solution, my brain and heart it.

2011-10-01T12:40:00.001+08:00

Apparently i was mentioned.
"Mr Tang discovered he had nose cancer while his wife was expecting their third child"
Wah lao, never say my name.
Least i got $10 "shelf space" on the newspaper.
Going to valhall to buy my new floorball stick later.
It unfortunately cracked so gracefully until it was so hard to spot there was a crack.

Hopefully i can get used to the new stick before match starts.

Have been thinking if i should volunteer at some youth home to help troubled youths.
So maybe it will force myself to be happy, to set an example for them.
Cause i've experienced through hurt, maybe i can channel that to good use.
Still thinking about it, it's at freaking tiong baru. mmmm.

2011-09-30T23:23:00.001+08:00

Dad was on the Malay news. (Appeared in the rest of the languages too i believe)
His face was epic while receiving award. So shy all.
Nevertheless, proud of him. Prestigious award. Good on ya dad.

2011-09-29T22:38:00.000+08:00

I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,
All the ones who love you, in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
And you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
And you always give more than you take.

I have 4 goals from now til February.
1)Get my driver's license (but first, to pass BTT on monday)
2)Set up recording equipment. Drum Mics> Mixer> Macbook Pro. Which also can record acoustic guitar, vocals and drumming professionally.
3)Get a medal for floorball.
4)Shan't be mentioned here.

Do i still? Honestly and unfortunately? Yes i do, a lot.
Sometimes in life we just have to admit certain things, face them and suck it up.
So this is me, unfortunately admitting, that this misfortune will last for quite a bit.

2011-09-28T22:57:00.002+08:00

I heard the news.
Take care and i sincerely hope you are doing fine.

2011-09-27T22:07:00.000+08:00

Friendly against skools tmr.
Really hope you dont show up, cause i worry for my safety and well-being.
If im mentally, emotionally and physically strong maybe not so bad.
But i know my limits, and if u come being angsty, im kinda screwed.

Please don't come.
Well not at the moment.

2011-09-26T23:30:00.002+08:00

Exactly 11 months, it ended. A break.

2011-09-25T21:38:00.000+08:00

If u were to for once, hear me out with open ears and an open & reflective heart, i promise you,
it WILL end.

2011-09-25T19:39:00.001+08:00

Today is just such an emotionally redundant day.

2011-09-24T14:06:00.102+08:00

hypocrite ?
I was always proud of you for being smart. I bragged about u to my friends and family since last year.
I can tell u i was sincere about the apology for screwing up ur ceremony. I really forgot.
But i really am proud of u for winning all these academic awards.

And u know it.
So please, dont call me a hypocrite.

yes i can admit that on twitter i bitch.
I let how i feel out. That's the only place i know u dun follow me.
And twitter is a place where u tweet how u feel on the go.
How was i suppose to know that i need to watch how i tweet cause ur friends will tell u? and it's not like u are following me.

i NEED to have a place to really let out how i feel.
Yes i've thought that ur friends might see the tweets, but i dun expect them to tell u?
It's like after everything i still have to keep ur friend's in mind?
Thought they were happy go lucky friends and mind their own business, guess i was wrong, they would still tell. K alright.
But i dun think u should call me a hypocrite. Go sign on to any of ur friend's twitter account.
Check if those angsty/bitchy tweets came at any random point of the day. It was usually in one chunk.
Those back to back tweets, i was in the train, listening to songs, ill get emo, ill get pissed.
And i dun think u can blame me for feeling that way.
And i dun think u can expect me to control what im feeling anymore than what im doing now.If u bothered thinking through what u did, i think maybe u will understand why i felt that way.

i feel a whole lot of unfairness and injustice, i need a way to vent or ill tear up. I tweet.
Yea but why worry? Ur friends love u to death and wont judge u.
So what? ill unfollow ur friends in order for me to tweet what i want?

Look things are so hard for me. I have no options.
I cant tell u how i feel cause u get annoyed and u wont listen or u probably dont give a fuck about me.
I cant blog and say what i truly feel cause u will get offended.
I dont facebook how i feel often cause that's not where u update ur emotions all the time.

U left me with nothing when i gave you everything. This, you know.
And despite this, u call me a bitch and hypocrite?
I think i deserve a right to tweet how i feel.
Like what u said "my twitter what, i say what i feel, unfollow la not happy"
We're alr unfollowed, u still want me to watch what i say?
Your tweet was insensitive as it was directly for me to see.
Mine? you're not there to see it. Too bad your friends see it, maybe they will get it when they actually know the full story.

And i can publically promise that whoever that comes to me and ask me what happened, regardless who,
i will always try to put u in a good light, say ur actions were triggered by me, i admit i did shit to u last time too. whatever i do, im wrong, ill say it. Not afraid to admit it.

U wanna blame me for my friend's tweet?
When that's how they feel? She alr sent u a bbm that u didnt receive, that would prolly make things less sour. But unfortunately u didnt receive it.

Trust me, if im bitchy and a hypocrite, ill post one whole blog post of what u did.
Ill post on facebook a lot of shit too.
Ill tell ur friends what happen and screw ur rshp with them.
Ill screw the other person involved.
I wont bother telling my friends ur side of the story.
ill secretly do a lot of things behind your back.
And u know i have a right to do all those cause u deserve it.

But how about i tell u what ive been doing?
Ive been trying to suck up a lot of things. and i mean ALOT even though they are so fucking unfair.
Despite what i have to suck up, i edit my blog posts everytime. Those angsty posts i delete them and edit them cause i know u are reading, ill try to watch what i say. (i dun have to, and u know it), when u do something annoying like tweet or post some cover on fb i get fucking annoyed, ill tahan. i wont talk to u, ill hold it in. ill force myself to. Occasionally when i cant ill tweet on twitter.

But look, u tell me "u dun care" and want me to be more consistent.
Let me tell u that twitter is really the only way for me to vent to make myself feel better.
If u deem it as bitching, then really i dunno where else to vent and what not.
If u find out from someone else then that's ur pasal.
Dont ask me to be more consistent.
Because honestly? The places we went last time, i think of us.
I will miss u sometimes.
There was a reason why i apologised for screwing up ur ceremony, cause i truly forgot.
And i really am and HAVE ALWAYS BEEN proud of u for ur studies.
So please dont ask me to be more consistent.
Those angst and bitchy tweets, were because of how i was feeling then, could i have controlled it? yea.
But ill control it when u are following. Just like blog and fb and everything else.
its the ONLY WAY i can vent dont u get it.
and if this is the only way that i can truly say how i feel right there and then, and then i get judged, then seriously ask all ur friends to unfollow.
I need a place that i can vent out.
Its one thing u dun understand how i feel and still say the craziest things.
Its another when u call me hypocrite when i mean what i say.

I dont really blame u for saying all those on whats app, thats why i didnt scold u.
It was more of u need an explanation cause u dont really know whats happening.
Dont tell me u dun care. cause u do, thats why u brought it up.

You seriously shouldnt let the things around u and ur ego clog your emotional channel.
So many things u think it in a certain way, it really isnt.
If you were to sit down and reflect why i do things in a certain way, you probably wont say "igaf" or "i want u outta my life"
Dont u get it?
Everything i do there is a reason.
So instead of jumping to conclusions and no bothering to understand, why dont u sit down and reflect?

This wont end until i get my answers. Not the answer i want to hear.
Just heartfelt, no regret, calm state of mind, no ego answers.
When u are clearer, when u are less angsty.
Because i wont suck everything up.
There's certain things i need to get.
And this is one important part.

So i urge u, somewhere deep down there is an emotional channel.
And i NEED u to tap on that.
Because once u do and u have the answers, trust me, i know when u mean certain things, n Ill take action accordingly.

But really, the least is to tell an honest answer not based on how u are feeling there and then.
But what ur head tells u.
Dont let emotions get in the way.
Use ur head all the way.

Things right now may seem frustrating and all, thats because u have nothing to say or cant answer my questions. You obviously havent been sitting down to reflect. Watch how things will be when u finally do something i ask u to do.
I wont ask u to do something that will make things worse.

Ive been using my head. And i know what's best.
And trust me, avoidance wont work.
Confronting and sucking it up will.

2011-09-24T00:55:00.000+08:00

Finally. got. my. ferrari. shirt.
It was kid's size! Cost $70! Almost bought a draw string bag that was $40.
The tickets were at Zone 1, near the pit stop. Apparently cost $1188. LOL.
Because it was the expensive tickets, joyce and i went to sit the flyer for free!
Was surprised that i could sit down for 90min straight looking at cars.
Im not as restless anymore! Wohooo.

Really felt like shit just now.
Exactly flu i got after my birthday party. Damn it.
Just no fever. But body feels weak, limbs all no feeling.
Really really hate this feeling.
New week coming up. Hope it's better than this week in a lot of ways!

BAH BAI.

2011-09-23T14:07:00.000+08:00

Slept at 6am.
Woke up at 11am to take medication.
Woke up at 145pm.
Gave trg a miss.
Just no fever, yet, although i feel feverish.
Hate this feeling know. Seriously.

My poor body, after taking out 450ml of blood, not much defense mechanism left to help me fight all these virus off.
How to go F1 like that?
Nvm, i shall! Will get a ferrari shirt.

2011-09-23T03:34:00.002+08:00

Wow am in bed now blogging. It's 330am.
Feeling rather sick. Got worse.
Wanted to self medicate but no flu medication. Damn it.
Might give trg a miss tmr.

2011-09-22T23:56:00.000+08:00

The Hossan Leong Show.
In summary, great funny jokes about Singapore's government and what not.
Good acting with great sound effects and lighting.
Transparent show.
2 hours of great entertainment!

Not feeling too good today. Throat and runny nose. Damn. where the hell did it come from?
Parents asking me to go for blood check up.
Then can see if my Red blood cells got anything wrong.
cancer prone, lack of iron or oxygen or what.
Looking forward to the detailed results!

Still mind blown over certain things. Like seriously, never been so mind blown in my life.
Dont use that word so easily, cause it's FAR from it.

2011-09-22T01:59:00.001+08:00

Okaye, so just got back from Long Bar at Raffles Hotel.
Listened to Moodnique from 9pm-12am.
Ordered Apple Martini. Vodka inside was strong. drank so little. Seriously wasted $25.
Bill was $87 for three drinks and peanuts. Awesome ah?
Tried the Singapore Sling and some random Beer.
Beer is not too bad. Singapore Sling tasted like fruit juice. haha.
Conclusion: Dont really like drinking. Feeling in stomach aint nice.

Band was awesome. Now that's what im talking about when it comes to live band.
19 years of experience as a band. Tight, dynamics were there, vocals was good. Covered jazz to rock to pop.
Band mates came up to the table and asked if i was a musician.
They were really nice people. Warm and friendly. Very good!
Once you make it big, must always remember to communicate with ppl and not be stuck up.
Drummer let me touch his brand new set. like he literally bought the Pearl Vision TODAY from swee lee. kinda sweet set man. Nice finishing.

Ee wee made bell and i the model. Omg. seriously man, helped her build her portfolio or something.
Was never liking the camera... I dont look nice in photos. Haha.
Well there were like at least 20 shots of me and it felt weird and different. LOL.

Okaye the conversation between Dad and i was freaking random and weird.
Here's how it went.
*Dad calls me on the phone*
Me: Hello?
Dad: Hello Miss Tang, are you at home?
Me: Nope, im out. Why?
Dad: Oh nothing, i got you something. I really hope you appreciate it and like it. When you reach home, you will surely see it, tell me honestly if you like it a not okaye?
Me: Oi... dont scare me lei... why you talking like that?
Dad: hahahaha. I want to change that impression you have of me. hahahaha. You cannot call Shinta to ask what it is!
Me: okaye i wont. but this is really scary. Now u got me thinking about it.
Dad: hahaha. Okaye see you at home! Byebye

TEXT FROM DAD
Dad: It's not really a present but its something that u used everyday. Appreciate that u have been using it n not complain about it. So i have bought it w u in mind. Hope u like it. Now dont get distracted ok haha.
Me: (Because i went home after trg, i found out there was a new shower head) Is it showed head?
Dad: Aiyah i thought u will never guess it. Hope its not a disappointment.
Me: lame la!!! lol! i used it just now when i was home. It leaks btw. haha.
Dad: It leaks? i tested it n its better than the old one
Me: hahaha leaks at the side. haha when i go home i show u. or tmr morning. lol i guessed ittttt wohooo!!!
Dad: Aiyah. Sorry for the disappointment.
Me: hahahahha no disappointment la. Thanks la k thanks u sho sweeeeeetttt. i teach u drums for free k. dont be sad.
Dad: Thank u mummy marissa
Me: U SIAO AH AHAHHA. crazy one u. ur flu affecte ur brain haha. u nt watching AI meh. after the real mummy scold u for wasting messages. hahaha.
Dad: I am in church lol. (this one made me laugh man)
Me: WAHAHHAHA NICE. okaye then! good example u are setting! super cool. i like!

*End of convo*

Seriously kinda cute and funny la.
Think my facebook will be spammed with photos. Oh gawd. haha.
Cannot wait for Polite to start. It's so exciting.
Selections next monday:/
All the best to all.

Cheers to everyone!

2011-09-21T17:22:00.002+08:00

After donating blood yesterday... Area slightly bruised.
Fixtures are out! Will be finalized by friday.
Have been feeling kinda thirsty very easily.
Must hydrate myself more.
Just now trg was feeling a bit light headed, think i didnt hydrate myself consistently.
Oh wells. Still alive! (y)

Sometimes it mindblows me that it's really non-existent.

And btw, i need my answers.

2011-09-20T22:41:00.000+08:00

What a day!
Well it started really REALLY bad. Was drenched even though i used an umbrella.
Hen wanted to donate blood, so we headed to HSA blood bank to do so.
I didnt plan on donating. But in the end, i just did.
Long story short, Henrietta couldnt donate cause her vein was too small. LOL.
So fortunately for me, i could donate my 450 ml valuable O+ blood to someone else!
Felt great:) Then headed to Scape, then walked under the rain in town then headed to Hen's place to slack like nobody's business.
Went home, and my mum was so friggin proud of me that i donated blood and that i was brave...
Lol, didnt think she would be that proud. Kinda funny.

Saw such an accurate quote on tumblr i just have to blog about it.
"Someone once told me that the power in all relationships lies with whoever cares less, and he was right. But power isn’t happiness, and I think that maybe happiness comes from caring more about people rather than less."

Doctor/nurse told me to hydrate myself and not do tiring activities.
Well, tmr there's trg. We'll see what happens.

2011-09-19T16:05:00.000+08:00

You know what's the most annoying thing?
When you just randomly tell me that if i didn't do blah blah blah, you would have blah blah blah.

Really? Cause at times like this, you are forever proving my point right.
You wouldn't. You think you would, you tell me you would.
And when the opportunity comes, you don't.

This is why, i don't believe it when you say you "would have".
Cause you never proved that you would.

Ah wells, rant aside!
Wth it rained so heavily while i was on the bus.
Literally was drenched when i reached trg. We played soccer since coach didnt come.
Freaking hilarious (y)
BTT is coming. Cant wait to start driving. Prolly aiming less than 15 practical lessons. Save $$ also! Hopefully by end of year can drive!

2011-09-18T22:22:00.004+08:00

I drove like so many times today.
Mazda to car park and honda down to the house.
illegal u turn.
Drove in the rain.
Taxi almost collided, not my fault. he didnt even stop when its a freaking red light.
Well i horned at him. MY FIRST HORN.
What else? Ah yes, results! mmm trainings and what not.
Slept three hours. Drummed from 8am-1pm.
mmmmmmm. Everyone seems to be liking the specs. (more than me. ) JOOOOWWWWWKING.

2011-09-18T14:42:00.000+08:00

No war please. thanks.

2011-09-15T13:56:00.002+08:00

i want my answers.

2011-09-14T00:13:00.001+08:00

Made a trip down with the bestie to orchard and great world city today.
Without her, wouldnt know where the hell is that.
Only reason why i went there, was because you showed interest in the earrings.
U bothered to step into chomel to find them. So i guess, you deserve them again although you lost them.

When i saw what you wrote in the book...
Although you said it's nothing and for no one in particular.
Honestly, i wasnt too happy when i saw the lyrics.
Cause you dont look one bit emotional or like you're suffering. I mean seriously? After what you did?
And comparing to how im feeling?
To me, when you write a song, surely there's meaning to it. Surely something/someone must have popped into your head while writing it.
The fact that it came out just from your mouth, it gotta mean something.
And to me, you're acting like everything else except the lyrics you wrote.

After writing "bedek emo" and drawing a shit there.
I felt bad. I mean i wasnt happy, but didnt give me a right to write all those.
Thats why i insisted on erasing. Cause i knew i was at fault.
Knew that even if you didnt want me to erase, or you didnt have an eraser, ill make sure ill try to fix the mistake i did.
Im responsible for the things i do wrong. And ill make sure ill correct them.
Which i did. Magically got an eraser and erased everything off.
Was very rude for me to do that.
Thats why i apologised again. and im sorry. No excuse.

You know when i saw your tweet "Wanna sleep til sat"
Made me feel like i wasnt as important?
Or you dont really wanna see me? Like you can dont see me if you want.
I mean come on, if i was meeting u on thurs and i tweet, wanna sleep til sat...
Goes to show how much i "care" about meeting you right.
Thats why i asked you if u wanted to meet or not. Yes or no.
Not "anything", not "up to you"
Cause if you want to see me, i want u to open your mouth and say it.
If you want to ask me out and see me, open your mouth and say it.

I mean since when was it about "depends what we're doing"
It's always if YOU want to meet first.
If yes, then we'll decide.
Hope the main reason why u wanna meet me cause you are bored...
It's cause you genuinely wanna see me or spend time with me or what not.

If you say "anything" or "up to you" it goes to show that
1)too ego to say "yes"
2)Wanna say "no" but dun wanna hurt my feelings
From now on it's simple. It's a yes or a no.
If you gonna say anything or up to you, im taking it as a no.
Cause if you really want to meet me, no harm saying yes.
If you scared to ask, you'll never know.
You have never actually asked me out on your own accord.
I'd always have to indirectly pop a question, then you will say.
And i regret doing that, cause i want you to open your mouth if you want to.
And please please please PLEASE, make plans much earlier. This is so important to me.
If you wanna last minute ask me out, sure, i may be free, i may feel like meeting u there and then. no harm asking. But i hate it when ANYONE last minute backs out on me and then i got no plans. thats the worse.

Anyway, a thought suddenly hit me while playing Pictureka.
That time while working at Shin, when cheryl asked if u had a bf, i told you to show her the picture of him to shut her up.
Little did i know, i was kinda right.
Was wondering how u felt right there and then.
Cause u managed to keep a straight face. Should have sensed something then.

Need to figure out.
should i fake and lie and show that im happy when im with you so that you will have a more enjoyable time
OR
Be my true self and give you the attitude that im feeling/you deserve

I really dont know. I wish i can be truly happy like how we were last time.
I look at you and as much as i want to bring myself to forgive you, a "im sorry" can never solve the things you did especially during the later part of the rshp.
It's not that easy. As much as i want to, i cant bring myself to until i see that you make an effort to make things right.

Ill know when you care.
Right now, really doesnt show.
You may say "i ask you how u are and all. if i dun ask later u say i dun care"
Honestly, i really know when you do.

And what i hate most, is when people conveniently communicate with me.
I hate it when there's convenient caring.
Have always hated that throughout my life. You prolly dont know what's that.
Kinda good you dont also la.

Things arent as bad i guess.
But things were extremely dreadful and horrible.
I still have mix feelings when i look at you.
Anger, disappointment, jealousy, love, care and concern.

Then again, i know deep down, i still do.
I know i do.
As much as i dont want to anymore.

"I still, do love you"

2011-09-12T19:55:00.000+08:00

A pair of Rayban spectacles for $188, with lens.
Cant get any cheaper than that.

Watched smurfs.
Was mother smurfing boring.

Other than that, day wasnt great. Well, on the brighter note, least it didnt suck.

2011-09-11T22:28:00.004+08:00

So, Today, the parents wasted 1.8k on something that i've to drink thrice per day with a 
PH of 10.1

Like seriously? The alkaline will work?

Bright side, i drove today.

2011-09-11T22:11:00.005+08:00

You got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
                     
You took your suitcase, I took the blame. 
                              
Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains, oh
        
Cos you left me with no love, no love to my name.

Have been feeling this song. A very humble version, never a vocal person.

I know the video lags, that's cause i recorded with photobooth, kinda lazy to upload a

proper one. Something to do with Frames per second. But yea. Not gonna upload to

youtube. Save the embarrassment. No one reads my blog. So its okaye.

2011-09-09T17:47:00.000+08:00

*applause*
Googled the symptoms.
Pretty sure i got in.

2011-09-09T15:59:00.001+08:00

You know, i dont really know what im feeling now.
Yesterday was great and awkward at the same time.
I look at u, my heart just breaks cause i really didnt expect you, out of all people, to want to break the promise, which you willingly did.
I never made you do it.
Just really wish you didnt. So may be i wouldnt be this disappointed.

But i guess at the end of the day, you can love someone so much, that really, their happiness just means more than anything else.
For my case, more than the injustice, unfairness, unappreciated-ness that i've gone through.
And i myself, dont even know how it's possible that i was able to take everything when i knew i didnt deserve it.

I guess i was holding on to that promise u made so tight.
Really, it was the only thing left of us, the past.
I held it on so tight that it made my mind wonder if u would break it.
Whether u would break my trust after apologising for flirting.
But after seeing u disappoint me the second time, i guess i was tired of expecting u to do the minimal for me. i wasnt even angry when u kept quiet when i mentioned the name.
My heart just sank.
Was tired of expecting that because u once loved me, u would do the minimal.
Was tired of thinking u would actually be selfless and go through with that promise.
Was just tired of expecting anything from you.
Cause you never gave me the minimal.
Because you didnt want to. Or may be cause im not the one u are looking for.
As unfair as it is, im just tired of expecting and getting disappointed.
Tired of being so disappointed and angry at you til we fight or annoy you.
Tired of having endless small squabbles, and in the end apologising for the smallest issue.

I want to be happy, i havent been.
But sadly, im happiest when im with you.
i know one day i will move on.
But right now, i just want to spend more time with you, try to get use to us being friends/seeing you as a friend.
Before you move on with someone else.

Sucks that everything that we did, you will be doing with someone else.
And im not that special someone anymore.
You tell me both of you got loads of things to figure out, but im sure it's lesser than what you and i had.
Because of that, i think things can be figured out easier on your side now.

Especially after i've let you break your promise.
I want to be your friend, a good close friend. Your best friend if possible.
Where if there's anything, you will tell me, cause im pretty sure ill tell u where u are wrong and how things can be better.
I want us to meet often too, as friends and ill just have to suck it up and get used to it.
Least you could do is still keep in constant contact or hang often.
Cause the more im left alone, the more broken i get.
When im with my friends, i still think of you.
My mind is at ease when im with you.
The more i get jealous; That, whatever you are doing/talking/etc should be me.

I guess i dont want to get replaced so soon.
I really dont. Especially telling me you got no issues being single or what not.
Then again, your feelings had always been there...
And that's kinda bittersweet i guess. and i really dunno what to say...

Made me think that when you were with me, were your feelings always there?
Makes me feel that im just an obstruction to whatever you could have.
I want to give you what you want so you will be happy, but yet im trying to think for myself.
Cause im broken.
Never been so broken before.
That's cause i've never been so emotionally attached to someone
That's cause i've never felt for someone this way before.

You dont understand, and i dont expect you to know exactly what im going through.
Some part of me wish you would know what im going through so you will finally understand what im talking about.
Another part of me dont want you to go through what i go through cause it's just plain and downright madness.
And because i love you, i dont want you to get hurt.
Even though im not around as often, i know ill be protective of you in the future.

For whatever we had, i still care for you a lot.
I want to be your really good friend.
But for now, please tolerate and be there for me. Please.
It's really not easy. And "not easy" is just a downright understatement.
Each time im alone and not busy, i think of how much you disappointed me or how much i gave my all but it was never enough. it was never duely appreciated or rewarded.
Each time im alone ill think that december onwards things will be different.
That you might spend new years eve with someone else.

Sucks, it really sucks.
But on top of all that im feeling, at the end of the day, love triumphs hatred and disappointment.
It's not because the hatred and disappointment is small.
It's because my love has never been greater for anyone else.

As i write this post, tears are streaming down and i always want to tell you how i feel face to face.
But im scared you get tired of me.
You dont like emotional ppl.
But i didnt disappoint, and i really hope that because of all the things i did for you, that went against whatever i believed in, the very least you could do is just make sure im fine.

As much as i want to tell you not to move on so quickly, to still rmb me and whatever we had,
i cant. cause you didnt even wanna keep the video.
I want it to be like last time.
Where i went your place to slack cause we lived so near.
Be close to your family again.
Be that someone whom you bitched to or share your secrets.
Everything of last time, just some missing parts.

If i make mistakes along the way, dont give me shit for it.
Dont keep pushing me to find someone new.
I know you want me to move on, but by doing that it annoys me cause it kinda emphasies that you dont love me anymore, and you want me to quickly find someone.
Dont do it, i wouldnt do it, cause it will be unfair for the other party, my heart is not with them.
It wont be anytime soon.

Sucks even more that it was only end of july where everything will still fine.
And everything has changed so quickly, despite what we had.
I dont know what i want.
I dont know really know what im feeling.
I just miss us.
Miss how close we used to be.

Used to tell you cry a river, build a bridge and walk over it.
But i cant tell myself the same.
Cause i wish the cries would stop.
And i wish i had the strength, trust and hope to build that bridge.
And lastly, i want me to walk over the bridge with you by my side making sure im fine.

I think i never asked for much.
All i did was the minimal.
And it really sucks that just because im this way, you dont even wanna give me the minimal.
And that's what i find the saddest.

To take your hands and tell you that you can break the promise, it's like letting the remnants of us go.
I hate it that i can break down randomly anywhere.
I just want you to be there for me, no matter what.

2011-09-05T20:05:00.000+08:00

U know if u up-ed your tolerance level by a whole lot, small squabbles wont start.

No seriously.

The least you could do, when someone is suffering so much for your own happiness.

To have the basic tolerance level any human being should have.

Cause seriously, it was so undeserving and uncalled for.

And then when i tried making things better, dont even wanna reply.

So, rude. especially after i apologised and make things better,
U dun wanna reply.

Someone needs to realise who disappointed who first.
And not get so uptight over less than 3 questions.
Gosh.

2011-09-03T23:01:00.001+08:00

I'm a wimp, I'm a coward.

Unspoken feelings and words.

2011-09-02T20:52:00.000+08:00

There's so much i wish to say.
But i guess im a coward.
Feeling supressed lately.
But i guess it's better than last time. . .

2011-09-02T00:23:00.001+08:00

September started great:)
Hope there's more to come!

2011-08-30T21:50:00.000+08:00

Thought i told you to update me earlier...
Sigh.
Shan't ruin your festive spirit.

2011-08-26T11:42:00.001+08:00

Today.
Sigh.

Time to kick some exam ass.

2011-08-21T15:42:00.005+08:00

Basically,
do you really want to talk/meet/etc me that little?
Or
There's more, just that you dont wanna mind fuck?

Cause i rather be mind fucked than to know that you want me that little so quickly.
Cause the feeling, sucks.
And i need to know which is it.

2011-08-20T23:16:00.002+08:00

I can fake that smile.
But seriously, deep down, it's killing me.
Doesn't show. But it is.

You have no idea.

2011-08-20T12:19:00.003+08:00

1000th Post

No seriously, When does this stop?

Cause i cant bring myself to think that i have to leave you alone and do whatever you want forever.

So, when does this stop?

Come Back To Me lyrics by David Cook
Songwriters: Bjorklund, Amund; Lind, Espen; Maloy, Zac;

You say you gotta go and find yourself
You say that you're becoming someone else
Don't recognize the face in the mirror looking back at you

You say you're leaving as you look away
I know there's really nothing left to say
Just know I'm here whenever you need me I'll wait for you

So I'll let you go, I'll set you free
And when you've seen what you need to see
When you find you, come back to me

Take your time, I won't go anywhere
Picture you with the wind in your hair
I'll keep your things right where you left them
I'll be here for you

Oh and I'll let you go, I'll set your free
And when you've seen what you need to see
When you find you, come back to me

And I hope you find everything that you need
I'll be right here waiting to see
You find you, come back to me

I can't get close if you're not there
I can't get inside if there's no soul there
I can't face you, I can't save you
It's something you'll have to do

So I'll let you go, I'll set you free
And when you've seen what you need to see
When you find you, come back to me
Come back to me

So I'll let you go, I'll set you free
And when you've seen what you need to see
When you find you, come back to me

And I hope you find everything that you need
I'll be right here waiting to see
You find you, come back to me

You find you, come back to me
When you find you, come back to me
When you find you, come back to me

© STELLAR SONGS LTD;

2011-08-19T22:38:00.001+08:00

One Question.

When do i stop leaving you alone?

2011-08-18T14:02:00.003+08:00

2011-08-14T17:00:00.000+08:00

Things are better i guess.
Maybe it can get even better if Willingness > Obliged

Trying not to tell u how unhappy i am in case it suffocates u.
I hate how u and i know that i miss and love you so much.
But i dont know if u feel half the same.

2011-08-10T16:08:00.000+08:00

i fucking love you.
And because i do, i wont blog, tumblr or tweet anymore.
Just know, i really love you and it's so hard for me to do all that im doing for you now.

2011-08-10T11:46:00.000+08:00

Here's the response to your tweet: (so i wont start a tweet war for the world to see)
"You are freaking inflicting hurt upon yourself. Even though it's none of your business. I've not spoken to him for the past 3 days"
Please understand the way you left me. You insisted that you were gonna talk to him. You said "I dont care im still gonna talk to him. i dont care" How the hell would i know that you didnt speak to him for 3 days when u were SO clear that you would.
When i alr read your fb msges and saw how you conversed. You know how much it KILLS me to know that you may be talking to him instead of me? you left me in a way that you didnt even reassure me about anything! You left me in a "im just gonna break my promise if i cant control my feelings and seriously im just gonna talk to him just fuck outta my life" and "oh ya about all the things about texting, ring, friendship band and all. No reply to that"
You know how it makes me feel?
Makes me feel like you dont give a shit right a the end of the day and u still will carry on doing with what you want.
i told myself if texting him makes you happy then ill have to back off cause i swear it RIPS my heart apart knowing that you may be texting him and not me.
Babe, you left me in a way with NO reassurance what so ever.
Cause i can be so fucking sure, if u actually reassured me with ur promise and ur final words i wont be this emotional.

"Oh and also, ud be glad to know im not meeting him on thursday anymore. Seriously, mind over matter. Ur killing urself without my help"
Im killing myself cause ive got no assurance from you.
Rmb how u left me 5 months ago and assured me everything?
Well u left me 3 days ago wanting to break everything u assured me then.
So tell me, i think you can help a lot.

2011-08-09T21:27:00.001+08:00

Anyone knows a cure to stop paranoia?
Know how to stop expecting?

I've been thinking that recently you are always only on fb chat cause you just want to talk to him.
Or if you are finally offline, that's cause you are texting him.

When i saw you checked into SGH my heart literally stop cause i thought you were sick.
i was worried sick.
But guess what? You went to visit her.
Alone? Cause i usually thought you are freaking lazy to travel.
PLEASE, if you want to do it, dont do it at a time where we were suppose to meet up.
Cause it kills me to know that at that point when you were suppose to meet me, you went to her.
You want to do it, dont make it so obvious with the check in on fb.
"You think im so insensitive ah?"
Got your answer?
Like a guy isn't enough, you go to her.
Double whammy much? Dont tell me your feelings for them are so and so, so it's okaye.
STAND IN MY FREAKING SHOES THEN MAY BE YOU'LL KNOW.
Stand in my shoes, and you will know.

Check out your song.
Hope it puts some sense back into you.
"Going through the promise made with you til you heal that wounded heart of yours"
I think you and i know what this "promise" means. Not the smoking one not the drinking one.

G D Em C

its like ive been apart of you all my life

G D Em C

i cant bare to leave this way

G D Em C

just remember the story of our lives

G D Em C

cuz when its time your gonna be okay

G D Em C

Night falls, we're walking under starry skies

G D Em C

saying words that causes pain

G D Em C

Leaving you in frustrations everytime

G D Em C

but listen up, i'll stop being that way

Chorus :

sun shining through

i'll make it up to you

even though you might not forgive me

Im going through

the promise made with you

till you heal

that wounded heart of yours

Regrets, mistakes are made all the time

Im not trying to make excuses

thinking of the ways i used to abuse you in words

im sorry, i know that i have changed

Bridge:

its time to make ammends

i know that we'll be okay in the end

i love you, and this i know is true

time to erase the past and move forward with dance,

come on baby, lets hold hands

And this made it to the tumblr post of the day. Cause i did that a lot of times during our rshp. And i've always wished for you to do so.

My birthday wish was for us to be okaye. They said do not say your wishes aloud cause they wont come through. well that didnt work out. SO MAYBE ILL TAKE THE CHANCE AND TYPE IT OUT SO MAYBE IT WILL REVERSELY WORK. You know how much it KILLS me that you told me last week happened cause you were lonely and not that you loved me. You didn't even tell me you missed me. You told me you were lonely.
You know how that makes me feel? It felt like i was a freaking prostitute to you. My heart broke when i saw you were sick. I genuinely cared for you and had no intentions or motives.
And i was almost certain there was some love that's why you did that. you HAD to love me in order to do that. you wouldnt not love someone and do that. But no, you used me like a toy cause you were LONELY.
If all of those above are not true, you need to tell me cause it hurts so fucking bad.
That after all we've been through, im just a fucking toy that you used when you were lonely.

SO MANY THINGS ARE KILLING ME.
YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD HELP?
THAT YOU DO WHAT YOU USUALLY DO AND JUST STAY HOME AND BE ALONE. AND NOT GO OUT TO MEET THE PPL WHO CAN POSSIBLY TRIGGER YOU TO LIKE THE PERSON.
someone told me this "You know i dont need to find someone after a rshp with you. I can stay single"
Didn't expect you to find him and chat him up.
Didnt expect you to travel all the way to SGH, to visit her and entertain her.

I thought you would actually still contact me like how i did when i left you. So it wont appear like it's so fucking easy for you to move on. Or replace me so fast.
Dont tell me it has been 5 months. It only has been 1 month plus. 26th june u still did love me.

I think after this phase imma lose weight, and hopefully lose the double chin x2 i have.
National Day Dinner was a fucking spread. Sashimi, a plate of sushi, two boxes of chicken and two whole pizzas. I ate 1/10 of a SLICE of pizza. One sashimi, two chicken drumlets and one onion ring. No appetite. Lunch was three mouthfuls of noodles and 2 fishballs. Seriously think ill lose weight!
Think something wrong with hormone levels too. Blood coming out but little by little.

Told you to help me out with the exams, you wont.
Told you not to be insensitive, you still are.

Told you to text me as usual, you dont want.
OPS. KEEP FORGETTING. TEXTING TWO PPL AT ONCE IS ANNOYING.
So you know what? Someone kept saying im so fucking selfish? Shall relief and liberate you with all the responsibilities that you never did, you can don't text me. cause obviously you really dont give a fuck even after i left.
You couldn't even help me out when i literally cried and asked for help.

Fucking screwed up national day.
Went to Marina barrage in the afternoon to watch ppl fly kites and it reminded me of you.
Looked across the landscape, thinking that the afternoon was supposed to be spent with you, that during the night we were suppose to look up at the starry night to see fireworks.

But fuck it. Instead of all those, see you checking into SGH and visiting her.
See you on fb chat make me think you talking to him there.

Ps and i dont think ANYONE can blame me for thinking too much cause whenever i think too much, the situation is true. and there's no way can you force your brain to stop thinking too much.
Because all these while i've been giving excuses upon excuses for your actions to me.

I think if i was emotionally stable the hospital thing wouldnt be THAT bad. but can u please. PLEASE understand the state im in.

Only solution: Stay home and be alone like what you always do.
maybe it will assure me you are not out finding ppl cause you are lonely.
maybe it will encourage me that you are in this with me to suffer A BIT.
wanna be ever so sweet to suffer a bit with me? try not to contact him for a period of time. Im sure u are capable of that, i mean you didnt even contact him for months!
So maybe you will TRULY understand what i've been going through and not distract yourself from actually reflecting what you did to me or how i might be feeling.

You just CANNOT say that im over reacting cause im thinking too much and im self inflicting hurt upon myself. I think it's absolutely normal to be thinking too much based on how much i love and care for you. How much i do not want to lose you to someone else. how much i really want you back and for you to treat me right. How much i want to spend time with you and do things all over. Just be happy now. The future can wait. When it's time, it WILL be time. So that BOTH of us just be happy.
Basically, how much i love you and care for you.
Simply, how much i love you no matter what you've done.

but no, i cant cause you might have feelings for some other guy.
i fucking miss the old you. Things were so much better then.

DAY TWO: DISTURBED

2011-08-08T20:41:00.001+08:00

"Here’s to the ones that believed what he/she said. Who sat around all night waiting for that phone call. Here’s to the tears you had to cry and dry alone. The times when you actually convinced yourself that they were “too busy” and couldn’t possibly call right now or maybe they fell asleep early. The times that you trained your brain to believe the lies, learned to settle for something less than what we deserved. This is for the ones that never believed when someone told us there might be someone else out there.
Here’s to the girls who put on their best dress, did their make up, and wore their favorite jewelry only for him to tell you he can’t see you today.Here’s for the guys who bought her flowers, wore your best smelling cologne, and even shaved only for her to tell you she can’t see you today. This is for all of you that loved unconditionally. "-Something i got from Tumblr.

And this. It made you tear when i sent this image to you.
Now it's my turn to recall what i said to you.

My purpose was to help you out.
My purpose in your life was to be replaced.
My purpose was to get smaller and smaller.
And once im small enough, i'll be replaced.
That's your purpose Marissa, to be replaced.
Nothing else.

Lastly,

"Cry a river, build a bridge and walk over it"

I had to use that phrase for you to get over your ex.
Now i have to use that phrase to get over you.

My life, sucks like shit.
No idea how to fight paranoia.
Thought you were going to text me.
But i guess you are too lazy to entertain.
And im sure it's annoying texting two ppl at the same time.
So fine, kills me to know that you might be texting him and u are meeting him on thurs.
Lending him something means u need to meet him again to get it back.
Paranoia FREAKING SUCKS.

Thought tmr afternoon's plans will still be on.
Paranoia says: Are wednesday's still marissa day?

My feelings for you are all in a whirl.
I dont even ____
I cant even ____

Teacher asked me why i look so down or tired.
Couldnt concentrate during lecture.
Felt so physically and mentally weak.
Woke up at 4am angry and sad and disappointed. Slept at 6am.
Lost focus and almost fell down the stairs.
Parents keeps asking me if im okay.
That if there's anything i can tell.
So did my sister.
I want to cry so badly and let it all out but alyssa is coming home.
I cant even concentrate or do finance questions, i cant get the answers.
Break up into momentarily cries.
I skipped breakfast, ate two slices of honeydue for lunch and ate four scoops of rice for dinner.

I guess, if u really love someone and want him/her to be happy, let her go and do whatever she wants and ill just take all the suffering. I mean if she's truly happy, then it's worth it, right?
Right? Right?

I think im exactly how you were or even worse when i left you for ____.
Just that i think you disappointed way way more.
And i still rmb i took it upon myself that i made you sad and even though i stupidly left you, i made sure you were okaye. i texted you and i didnt leave you entirely on your own.
Oh right, that's cause i never stopped loving you.

You knew how much promises meant to me.
Im glad the last conversation i had with you conveyed my underlying feelings for you.
That i still love you a lot.
And the cry was a cry of extreme hurt.
And a broken heart is just an understatement.

You ripped me a part. Tore me a part.
And i still cant figure out HOW with those small pieces and fragments of my heart, can i still love you whole heartedly.

Conclusion for day one: Plain downright torture.

2011-08-08T00:06:00.003+08:00

Hope you're happy.

Still love you so much.

Time for suffering for the weeks ahead Marissa.

Cry a river, build a bridge, walk over it.

2011-08-07T00:00:00.002+08:00

I miss us.
I miss us.
I miss us.
I miss us.
I miss us.
I miss us.
I really, miss us.

2011-08-04T22:27:00.001+08:00

School's been great.
Results so far have been quite alright, floorball's good, music's good.

Just figured everything can be good but something's just missing.
Not the same. Feels weird.

I miss us.
I really do.

Yet i have to control, try hard to let go.
Let go of something that can make me happy.
Let go of something that i love.
I really wish i can turn back time, turn it back to one year ago.
So then may be everything wouldnt have been so f uped.

Sucks that we feel so differently now.
Make it seem so easy.
or made it seem like it was all nothing.

Wish i could.
If i did, would you feel how i felt?
Wish you did, cause then it'll show something.

"Care less.
Try less.
Expect less"
Seems so. freaking. hard.

At the end of the day still long for you to wear that friendship band u made, that ring u always wore and got so worried when u thought u lost it for a moment, still long for that heart shape emoticon and still long for u to ask me out and say good nights.

Long for the past.

The future will come, but why cant we just live a happy life like the past and make it the present, the future can wait.
Why prolong the hurt when we can be happy.
"If not now, then when?"
Least not the painful and shitty now and the unpredictable and uncertain future.
Least it could be a happy now and the unpredictable future.
Least we could be happy.

least I could be happy.
least i wouldn't have to pressure myself to stop the routine i have,
pressure myself to force myself to do certain things i detest.

least i know my mind's set to ease.

Just on 26th June 2011 you told me you loved me. and hope that i dun go home too soon.

Just last week we had a great time. And after that we were all so happy and it was as though the past came back.
But it felt so great. not THAT. but just the whole day. and the days after that.

Just long for the past again.
For you to be the person u were in all those messages/notes and emails.

Basically, i miss us.

2011-07-24T23:27:00.002+08:00

Im 18. Finally.

And i miss us, really.

2011-07-21T00:24:00.001+08:00

it is. SO. hard.

2011-07-17T17:36:00.002+08:00

Wow just when i left house this morning, i said this week will be good.
1)my period is coming. DAMN IT.
2)I rammed the back of a jaguar onto a gate.

What a start to the birthday week !

2011-07-17T11:37:00.000+08:00

Ever felt the way i felt before?

When someone disappoints, hurts, angers you so badly, u feel like u wanna walk away and step outta the person's life since he/she doesnt want u in their life.

But after a while, u start to find excuses for their mistakes and start to admit some of the problems were what u started.
And regardless whether u feel like u created the problem, you'd rather just admit it and just solve then forget the matter, just so that things will be fine.

After a while, u start to realise that it really isn't about the "ME" word anymore, it's really about the you.
Just wanting to see you happy, smile and not aggravate you anymore, just so that both of us can be happy.

Yes i can wish so much for you to try harder or whatever, but i guess its hard for u to.
Maybe you'll try when things are simpler.
So i guess i'll make things simpler.
Realised that i can control the outcomes, you can too if you want.

Don't think anyone gets this post. but it's okaye, no one reads my blog.

Basically, no matter how the person may have treated you, if they really love you, i dont think it was intention to hurt you.
SO just forgive and forget people.
The ppl who love you WILL make sure you stay in their lives.
So never give up on them because their hard to deal with. It's not gonna be forever.
Thing WILL get better.

~~~~

Feeling super positive today!
THIS WEEK SHALL BE A GREAT WEEK.

2011-07-06T22:58:00.002+08:00

(y)